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Why do we face difficulties in starting a conversation on particular topics?

Introduction

We are living in a society where talking on many issues is considered taboo. There are many topics on which we can not talk with our elders or with our superiors because talking with them about such issues will get us in trouble, or sometimes we won’t be able to talk to them because we don’t have that much courage.

We are facing many serious issues like sexual harassment, racism, harassment at the workplace, and many others. These issues are not being reported and not debated openly because we face difficulties in talking about them. Plus, if we talk about these issues with anyone, no one supports the victim’s stance and advises him/her to remain quiet. These issues are especially encountered by females who have to work in public or private offices and face sexual harassment. Sometimes, we find it difficult to talk about serious issues with our parents, like discussing future education or discussing job plans. We are living in a society where all the power is in the hands of the head of the family, i.e., the father or mother. So we can’t do what we want, but we have to do what they think is better for us.

Sometimes, we face difficulties talking about some topics/issues, which we call difficult conversations. For example, firing your subordinate who is very close to you, saying goodbye to your close relationships because you are ending your relationship with them, and saying no to the person who really deserves your help (Stone, Heen, & Patton, 2010). Talking about religious issues, political issues, sexuality, or confronting someone’s hurtful behavior. Difficult conversations are not only limited to the topics mentioned above, but they can occur anytime when your ego or self-esteem is being hurt.

Discussion

In our lives, there is no such thing as diplomacy. We have to confront the truth, or we have to avoid it. While confronting a dilemma, we look around and think about whether we have to keep it to ourselves or whether we should talk with others on this issue. Here, I will discuss a few of my real-life life stories where I encountered difficulties in starting a conversation and faced problems while talking on those particular topics.

Life story

Always tell the truth

Sometimes, we talk about the fact that we are right and we are wrong. The main thing is what I am right about. Speaking the truth sometimes gets you in trouble, while sometimes you get rewarded for the fact that you have spoken.

A rule that I always follow in my life is” always tell the truth.” It’s true that sometimes, telling the truth might backfire. In my life, most of the time, telling the truth backfired, but I didn’t change my mind and kept walking on the right track. For example, once, I was traveling with my elder brother, who was driving the car, and I was sitting beside him along with my two cousins. We got involved in a severe accident that happened due to the mistake of my brother, and I was well aware of that. But when we were rescued, my brother and two of my cousins gave the blame to another person who was driving the car nearby and didn’t accept the blame. I talked with my brother and told him to speak the truth, but he didn’t accept what I was saying. I talked with everyone and told them the truth, but no one believed me, as the ratio was 3 to 1. So my stance and the truth went into the veins, and everyone believed what they told.

The stance my brother and cousins took before me was that it’s not about what is true, but it is all about what is important. According to them, speaking the truth in front of everyone would definitely backfire, and no one would ever give them permission to drive the car. However, if they tell a fabricated story, it would be beneficial for them, and no one will ever blame them for that accident.

Another argument is made on “ What happened”. Conversations always take place between two parties, and they always involve the intentions of both. Intentions or feelings are invisible, and the behavior and actions of the person can always be judged. In the above-written life story, my intentions were not to hurt the feelings of my brother or any other family member, but I wanted to speak the truth. I wanted to keep myself on track and follow the rules that I have made for my life. But they didn’t want to tell anyone about the reality because that would restrict them from many actions in the future.

Most people always place truth as their highest-ranked core value. However, they themselves did not always speak the truth. Being truthful to yourself is something else, and being truthful to others is something different. You can be true to yourself, but most of the time, you lie to others, and if the other person knows that you are lying, then how can you properly perform your duties in that relationship? At this stage, your relationship ends because no one wants to be with the person who is a known liar. If a person does not trust you, then how does he/she want to live with you? If you place truth as one of the highest core values in your life, then you have to speak the truth at any cost without knowing or worrying about the consequences.

Focus on your goal

The key factor to being successful in your life is to always remain calm and be focused on the goal you want to achieve. If you want to achieve your goal, you must always be true to yourself.

I was born into a middle-class family where there was only one head to earn to feed the whole family. It was very difficult for my father to provide proper education to all of his four children. Being the eldest one, I had a lot of responsibilities. I always wanted to get admission to a well-known university for which I had to get good grades in my college. On the contrary, I also had to arrange the expenses for my university fees if I secured good grades in the college and got admission to the university. My goal was very clear, but there was an unavailability of resources, which was a very big hurdle in achieving my goal. So I said to myself that I had to arrange all the expenses for my university fees by myself as my father could not bear these expenses. So I started working at a department store in my free time to earn some money. Plus, I started to pay home tuition, which helped me a lot to arrange the finances to pay my university fees.

Doing all this was not easy for me as no one was supporting me, and I had to do all of this on my own. Whenever I talked with someone about this matter, they always discouraged me and told me not to further my studies and to start a small job to earn something for my family. What would you do by studying further? However, I stayed focused on my goal and kept trying to arrange the finances for my studies. There is a saying that nothing can change GOD’s will. It was written that I would further pursue my studies, and I was successful in arranging all the finances for my studies.

To stay focused on your goal, you have to remove all distractions and surround yourself with people who have positive thinking about all aspects of life. You have to write down the goals that you want to achieve and look at them every day so that you can remember what you want to do. Looking at your written goals will help you boost your energy, and you will work hard to achieve your goal. Staying focused and working hard is the key to achieving your goal. For this, you have to get rid of your vices, i.e., you have to get rid of all the things that are restricting you from working hard. You have to get rid of all the things that are diverting your attention from working hard and staying focused on your goal.

There are very few people who come to help you when you are in difficult times, so you have to motivate yourself. Like, if your goal is to become a successful entrepreneur, you have to read the life stories of the successful entrepreneurs and their struggles. Do proper research on the field or industry in which you want to enter. Read the motivational stories of all the big guns in the related field to get yourself motivated.

Conclusions

Sometimes, we have to make some hard choices and decisions, which, in normal routines, are very difficult for us. However, we have to take difficult situations as a normal part of life as we cannot favor everyone at all times, so we cannot make ourselves diplomats. Make the tough decisions. Learn from your experience and become the architect of your own life.

References

Stone, D., Heen, S., & Patton, B. (2010). Difficult conversations: How to discuss what matters most. New York: Penguin Books.

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