Discussion Question 3
Why do they NOT continue their relationship at this point in the movie? What strikes you about Harry and Sally’s level of self-awareness? Do you think this movie promotes the SPT idea that self-disclosure is what people must do to grow closer in their relationships?
When Harry tells Sally that no man can be friends with a beautiful woman without thinking of having sex with her, Sally disagrees and they both part after just eighteen hours together in the yellow station wagon. Harry skipped the orientation stage of the relationship to the exploratory-affective stage, hence affecting the bonding process of the two individuals. The movie advocates for the self-disclosure idea, as discussed in SPT, once we start analyzing the growth of the relationship between Harry and Sally.
Compare the ″Friends″ clip to the one from ″When Harry Met Sally.″ Do men share the same strategies for getting to know other men as friends in the same way women make friends with other women? Why or why not? When does a man know that he has a true friend with another man?
Both men and women have different styles of making friends. While men are inclined toward shoulder-to-bear friendships, ladies favour face-to-face friendships (Greif, 2009). Men prefer interacting and competing through activities such as sports and paychecks, while women compete in a less structured such as warmth, appearance, and demeanour. Also, there is less expression of emotion when a man is making friends with another man, unlike women making friends with another woman, which is characterized by the sharing of emotions and physical manifestations. Men know that they have a genuine friend in another when they can laugh and have “beer” while understanding each other without having to say any words or talking for a long while.
Looking back at your own life experiences, what do you think about the fourth assumption of SPT: Self-disclosure is at the core of relationship development? What other ways could people get closer to each other if not through self-disclosure?
I believe that self-disclosure is the fundamental aspect on which all relationships are built, and for stronger relationship status, self-disclosure is necessary. Self-disclosure causes the feeling of closeness between two couples in a relationship, and therefore, high self-disclosure leads to a sense of passionate love. However, the results of self-disclosure are determined by how responsive the two couples are to each other, with high effects of self-disclosure felt when the two pairs had high responsiveness. Besides self-disclosure, people could get closer by participating in activities such as sports. Such activities ensure that the two persons participating in the sports share fun and satisfaction without necessarily having to share anything.
References
Greif, G. (2009, October 19). Men’s friendships are different from women’s. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/buddy-system/200910/mens-friendships-are-different-womens.
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