In order to exist in this world, each person builds his worldview consciously or unconsciously on the basis of his experience and all the mass of information that he has. It’s just necessary to live and act in peace. Even a newborn baby has his own worldview, feeling his world in the form of colour, sounds, and smells and breastfeeding his mother’s breast. With the accumulation of knowledge and experience, the idea of the World in man must inevitably change. In addition, a person builds his worldview in such a way that he can live in this world as comfortably as possible. How is the World? Is there a God? Who is a Man? Where and why in this World? These questions inevitably arise in every person. And everyone answers them always, without even giving himself a report.
In my childhood, I did not think about these questions. But it was at that time. There was a spontaneous experience, which I could much later call enlightenment or sensation, an experience of the fact that the world has more dimensions than we can see at the physical level. Express it in words. It is impossible. After some emotional shock, I experienced an extraordinary emotional uplift, flash, illumination, a feeling of extraordinary unity with the whole world, bliss, and happiness of such heat, on the verge of pain; it is simply impossible to sustain more. In addition, there was a feeling of extraordinary wisdom and knowledge, as if I could easily find an answer to any question, and this would be true. The happiness was so great that it was poured out with abundant tears. Once again, I repeat that it is impossible to convey this in words. This is the most vivid experience of my whole life. There were other experiences, but this one is the brightest. He then covered my whole life.
Interest in religion and worldview issues arose by the end of my 30-ies. A purely materialistic explanation of the world is rejected for aesthetic reasons. Such a world is too flat and uninteresting, for me at least. And it was already an intuitive premonition that the world is more complicated and interesting than we were taught. Of course, interest arose primarily in Christianity since there was no particular choice. It is appropriate to recall my childhood experience when my grandmother took me to church when I was five. Impressions then were oppressive. Dark, gloomy room, stuffy air with unpleasant smells, mournful incomprehensible singing.
The impression was heightened by alcohol – my grandmother communicated with me. So, in maturity, an interest in Christianity arose, and I neglected the negative child experience. The interest was quite positive. I begin to read Christian books, primary sources first of all, that is, the Bible, the Veti and the New Testament, and the interpretations too. The general impression is that what is true is trivial (like commandments) and very much is simply unacceptable, requires complex explanations and interpretations, or is generally immoral, as in many Bible texts. How do we understand the story of the creation of the world? Literally – elementary logic and common sense do not allow interpretations, and interpretations remain. This is not the original source. And where is the main, true essence? In general, at this stage, I read a lot of the holy scriptures and their interpretations. There was such an impression that I removed a skin behind a skin, all peeled in search of a grain of truth. And I do not find it. There are no satisfactory answers to many questions.
The process of creation, described in the Bible – can only be interpreted as an allegory. But nevertheless, the goal remains a mystery. And here lies the meaning of human life.
It is not clear why Christianity removes from the Creator responsibility for evil in this world. If God is omniscient, he must have known that man will eat the fruit of knowing good and evil. If he is not omniscient, then consequently, he is imperfect. And anyway, how can you be moral without knowledge of good and evil? Or only in obedience virtue? So what, then, is the sin of the first people?
Why should I be responsible for the sins of the first people? Why should my children suffer by atoning for others’ sins? This is incomprehensible, unfair and illogical.
Again, the question rests on the meaning of human life and its general meaning. There is no convincing answer. Rather, the answer lies in the very behaviour of the founder of Christianity, who was not a family man, not a father, but a barren loner. No need for children in Christianity. Moreover, their conception is declared sinful and vicious. How to explain the blatant vampirism and immorality of God in the Old Testament? The examples described in the Old Testament are darkness! And many more specific questions to which Christianity does not give satisfactory answers.
Then, she became interested in other religious systems. It turned out that in those systems that recognize reincarnation, there is a much more convincing interpretation of a person’s life and suffering. Especially the suffering of innocent babies who did not have time to warm up. Sins can not be molested and repent of them – they need to be redeemed to survive all the suffering that a person has not even delivered to another person but simply a living being. This system already answers many questions to which Christianity responds with mossy dogmas, completely inconclusive, illogical and often immoral. Followers of these religions are much more strict than Christians in everyday life. For example, we can bring Hare Krishnas to our lives. But this is someone else’s system! Do we have our own … Christianity? Is it his own?
And then came an interest in his own pre-Christian faith. Then, the information flooded the stream, and the sensations were inexpressible. It is mine! It was as if the space was opened wide and filled with joy, light, and meaning. The soul sang from finding my native space; joy came into my life. As if the back straightened and his hands threw themselves to the sky in a gesture of gratitude and love. There were answers to those questions that Christianity could not answer. A huge field of information opened, from which I can choose the one I need. It turns out that the information was always open; it was in folk tales, proverbs and sayings, words and grammatical constructions of the Russian language, and most importantly – in my soul. Only it was blocked until then.
What attracted me so much to paganism in comparison with Christianity? A holistic view of the world is based on the laws of nature, including the laws of the subtle, spiritual world. Morality arising from these laws. Natural morality, conscience in the soul, and not out of the cane of God’s punishment. Own feeling of dignity and value as part of this beautiful world and part of the Rod. There was a sense of responsibility for their lives and for their kind people. A living sense of responsibility for your people. What blocked Christianity with its dogma of personal salvation?
Strictly speaking, I am an agnostic. I do not know if there is a God. And no one knows, or rather, there is no evidence of either his existence or his absence. So this is a matter of faith, or rather, the choice. A world without God, without a Sensible beginning, random, I do not like. So I select for myself the world with God, and what is he? Is it my God and my World? After all, each of these is represented in different ways, and this difference is very significant!
I think that if God is, then he is all that exists: the whole world, the cosmos, and all the manifested and unmanifested beings. And then such a God has no name, can not be personal, can not have any qualities, for He is everything. There is nothing except God, which manifests itself in a sequence of subtle worlds down to ours, physical, creating and living the whole diverse experience of the life of all beings. Thus, man is the god of the manifested world, who, during many lives, knows a diverse experience, learns to control himself and the world, and creates reality with his thoughts and desires. He plays and enjoys his games! And what else can God do if apart from him, there is no one else and nothing in this world?
There are good analogies to this. For example, in computer games, you can choose a character, give it a quality, and then build up its power by moving from level to level. Our personality is such a character, a mask, a mask. A set of qualities that allows you to lose some roles. And here it is important not to play, not to get too carried away by playing, identifying yourself, your divine essence, with the mask, the character, the Ego. As someone wise said – “Remembering the eternity and following your desires, you will find the Way”.
I still like this model. Our centre, the core, is a divine entity that radiates the pure light of consciousness as a projector. An empty blank screen is a Peace. The human person, the ego, is the filter, the glasses through which the light of the projector pours out onto the screen, forming images, events and the very course of life. And all we can do in this life is clean our glasses of dirt and change the colour filters.
She took off her rose-coloured glasses. I put on black. I put on blue things. Shine! The world sparkled with ice crystals, but it was cold. I put on green, that is it! Even better, pink. Although too harmonious – it becomes boring. I want to try gold, but they are not. They still have to be earned, and without glasses, in general, there is no picture, and yet, the experience of Enlightenment gives the realization that Emptiness is the Unity of Jehovah and the opportunity to play divine games exactly as God intended. I built it with the help of Teachers, who are infinitely grateful. These are my parents and teachers, the authors of my favourite books, and all the people I have met in my life.
Works Cited
Bloom, Paul. “Religion, Morality, Evolution.” Annual Review of Psychology, vol. 63, no. 1, 2012, pp. 179–99, doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-120710-100334.
Janoff-Bulman, Ronnie, et al. “Proscriptive Versus Prescriptive Morality: Two Faces of Moral Regulation.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, vol. 96, no. 3, 2009, pp. 521–37, doi:10.1037/a0013779.
