It was a harsh summer evening, and I was sitting on my bedroom’s window couch, staring outside and wishing I could change the life I was living. Even though I utterly wanted to go deaf, some sharp poisonous voices were crossing my hearing and hitting hard my self-esteem and my eardrums – the voices of my parents, scaring me to death. I was just 12, and it was the end of my patience – tears were rolling down my cheeks, my eyes forgot to blink, and I was in despair. I badly wanted to shout out loud, but all I could do was running outside the home – barefoot and scattered, shaking and afraid. I barely found a nook in my home’s backyard to hid myself until I got over the fear that my parents were about to part ways.
Shortly after, I was hiding there with my head rolled down when my poor senses got to hear those nerves wrecking sound – VROOM – and my heart sank. It took me a while to get back to my senses as I never wanted to believe that my father has left us. My father, who once was the most important part of my life – without whom I never imagined having a fun party at home or a picnic in one of my favourite places. I would say he was the only person in my life I always waited for to share my happiness, my sorrows, and my pleasure. But now he was just gone!
Though it was lit outside, my eyes were blanketed black, and I couldn’t see the realities life was about to throw at my face. My father left, my parents got divorced, and I knew that a black era is now waiting for me, my family, and my personality! I gathered up myself, silently walked to my room with low shoulders, dried eyes, emotionless face, and heavy head while taking small baby steps. I never asked my mother anything, nor wiped out her tears and fell asleep right away.
The following day, as I opened my eyes, a voice crossed my senses, “Son, no matter what life brings our way, never forget to gather the courage because no matter what happens, we all have to survive.” I felt the warmth I use to feel when my father hugged me, and in the very second, my feet turned cold – I started crying out of the reality that he’s no more with us. I cried out my lungs, shouted to my extreme, and then stood up with all the courage my father would have expected from me. That moment, I learned to embrace the realities of life – I washed my face and went straight to my mother.
Despite all the conflicts, she was also suffering and was in pain. I didn’t say even a word; I sat on the floor close to her, held her hands silently, and waited for the moment when she broke down, cried, and hugged me with all the little energies she was left with. I hugged her back with all the love I had for her as I knew that this wasn’t what she wanted for her family, but sometimes, destiny plays, and we can’t do anything other than being the puppets in its hands. But some nights, it still makes me really sad when I look at the photos of the past where my dad and my mom are holding me together, playing with me.
Now, although life is going well, there’s a mysterious silence hounding deep in my soul as I’ve never been able to fill that void. Sometimes the most challenging decisions are the best ones for everyone’s well-being, and that’s what my father did. Though we aren’t delighted, we aren’t arguing and crying and fighting daily. We aren’t happy, but at least we are peaceful, and that’s what matters the most. Maybe!
