Belligerence and Criticism are the two negative patterns. Belligerence is defined as a warlike nature and Criticism defined as some characters that have been used by a person starting with “ You’re so..” or “ You always”
Robert was one of my friends at school. We used to hang out together, but due to his nature of always criticizing other person and be in an aggressive mood all the time, were two reasons our ways got separated. At the start, I was not taking it so seriously until he criticized me in front of our other friends on a dressing. There are always certain limits that one should never cross. When I started giving him my response that was very polite to not to do that, his expressions started to change. He had this habit of always being in a bad mood, on that day he started yelling at me and he did raise his hands on me because of telling him to not to criticize me. From that very moment, I decided to leave and focus on my career. It did feel bad when At the start because he was my friend, for like 4 years, we have our good moments as well. Emotionally and mentally I was disturbed at the start but other friends and family helped me to cope with this situation.
Contempt and defensiveness are the two negative things that I possess. Defensiveness can define as defending yourself from perceived attack will escalate an argument and contempt as insulting or abusing your partner on emotional grounds (Lamanna, 2014). Friends do have hard conversations in a friendship but losing a friend because of your mistakes can make a bad impact on your life and health. Carla was a friend in my last semester, she was very cooperative and helping. I made a mistake but I did not want to show that this was my mistake, instead, I started blaming her that it was her fault that this thing happened. The conversation got worse and she went silent at one point, I was continuously blaming her and blackmailing her on emotional grounds so that she will admit that it was her mistake but this didn’t happen. She left having tears in her eyes and at night I got atext from her in which she wrote: “It’s over”. This was the last text that I received. Now she passed me by like she never knew me. Later I realized that it was my mistake and sent her countless texts but she never replied. In order for this to not to happen with me again, I started listening. I believe listening to the views of others solves half of the problems and can affect positively on a relationship.
Lamanna, M. A., Riedmann, A., & Stewart, S. D. (2014). Marriages, families, and relationships: Making choices in a diverse society. Cengage Learning.